


You'll be okay

by writingformadderton



Category: Taron Egerton - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Blood, Confrontations, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Self-Harm, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:40:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23629396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingformadderton/pseuds/writingformadderton
Summary: You dealt with depression and self-harm in the past, but got better with Taron by your side. One day the thoughts come back and overwhelm you completely. Taron comes back home earlier and finds you in the bathroom which leads to an unwanted confrontation of your struggles.
Relationships: Taron Egerton/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	You'll be okay

“I’m home love!” You hear him shout from downstairs. Shit, he wasn’t supposed to be home for another two hours! You feel panic rise in your body as you look down at the bloody mess you made in the sink. Blood is flowing from your wrist a bit slower than the tears from your eyes. 

“Taron, I’m upstairs in the bathroom. I’m gonna be down in a minute.” You shout back trying to sound normal, as if you were happy he was home. You throw the razor into the sink and rush over to the bedroom closet to grab a jumper, quickly running back to the bathroom when you hear him coming upstairs quickly. 

“Where the heck are you going so fast?” He asks confused and appears in the doorway. But you slam the bathroom door shut loudly before he could see anything. You turn the lock and take deep breaths. Fuck! How are you gonna clean all this up in short time? “Y/N open the door.” Taron suddenly says, interrupting your thoughts with his knocks on the door. 

“Could you just give me a couple of minutes, please? I-I just woke up and wanna get ready.” You say and shake your head in doubt. It’s 4pm and you weren’t someone who slept very long hours. 

“Don’t lie to me.” He spits out, impatient. 

You close your eyes trying to come up with something, but then your heart drops. You left the pack of razors lying on your bed. On the bedside table, you left an open bottle of wine along with a glass. It’s no secret to Taron that you tend to drink when you felt a bit sad. “No no no!” You whine and run your fingers through your hair. 

“Open the door, there’s fucking blood on the floor! This isn’t your period either!” Taron is worried, but now a bit frustrated that you’re closing him off. He knocks against the door roughly and you flinch. The door is the only thing keeping him from you and the mess in the bathroom. 

You panic and begin cleaning, collecting the bloody tissues and razor and tossing them into the bin. You hold your wrists underneath the water, hoping the cold liquid will stop the blood flow. Quickly, you throw on the new jumper and wash your face from the very obvious tear streaks. You take a deep breath and unlock the door, forcing a smile. Stepping forward, you open your arms to give him a hug. “Hey baby, I didn’t expect you to be back so soon.” You say calmly, but you slowly lower your arms when you notice Taron take a step back, scanning you over. 

“Show me your arms.” He speaks and barely looks in your eyes. There’s pain in his voice, almost a slight fear. He knows about your past struggles with depression and self-harm, but it’s been a long while since you’ve been there. You worked through a lot and got yourself in a safe space to move on. Almost as if you never struggled at all. 

“What, why? I’m fine, I was just getting ready.” You quickly speak. 

His eyes give you a stone cold glare before he pushes past you and opens the bin. He stands there for a second, trying his best to control his emotions. He closes it loudly and lets out a deep breath. “You know if there’s one thing that pisses me off most, it’s lying to me.” There’s a warning tone in his voice, icy and dangerous. 

“I know.” You whisper and try to hold back the tears brimming your eyes. You blink them away and keep the sleeves of your jumper down. 

“Show it to me. Please.” His voice is calmer, now in a vulnerable state. You didn’t want to hurt him any longer with this, so you slowly pull up your sleeves. Long and dark cuts decorate your wrists. Thankfully the bleeding stopped, but they still look fresh and sore. 

You look at your boyfriend, who’s only focus is on the fresh scars. His breathing is ragged and he rubs his face. But there it was, you recognized it instantly. Disappointment in his eyes. It hits you hard, harder than when he’s mad at you. “Taron, I’m-“ 

He walks out of the bathroom and stands still in your shared bedroom for a minute. You can tell he’s contemplating his emotions and next actions. “What happened?” He asks just above a whisper, enough for only you to hear. 

“Nothing. I just started overthinking things and got overwhelmed. I needed some relief.” You explain and stare at his back. 

“Y/N, how often have I told you to call me when you’re not feeling yourself?” His voice is shaking and you can easily tell he’s fighting his own tears in front of you. 

“Please look at me.” You beg him quietly. 

He turns around, eyes brimmed with tears and lips pressed together. “Don’t avoid my question.”

“I’m not avoiding your question, I just don’t want to talk to you when you can’t even look at the disappointment I’ve become.” You spit out madly, but regret it immediately. That wasn’t fair to say to him. He has every right to be upset. You pull down your sleeves again and try not to look at him. 

“All I’m trying to do is get myself together right now. That has nothing to do with you disappointing me.” He rubs his face and huffs a breath of air. You know exactly how he feels in this moment. You still remember how hard it was for you to support your friends during these moments. “Why didn’t you tell me, love?” He asks weakly, throwing his arms in the air helplessly as a tear rolls down his cheek.

“Because I know exactly what it does to you.” As soon as the words left your mouth, Taron wipes away his tears and presses his lips together to control his tears. It hurts you so much to see him like this and that you’re the reason. “And you know talking just isn’t enough sometimes.” 

Taron bites his lip and takes a few deep breaths. You may have just shattered his hopes to be able to help you with that sentence alone. “Tell me what to do. I wanna help, baby.” He says gently and you can hear how much he’s trying to keep himself together. He takes a step towards you and wants to grab your hands. 

You take a step back and see the hurt in his eyes because of it. “I’m gonna fight this one alone, okay? Nothing will happen to me.”

Taron runs his fingers through his hair. “Seriously? You’re cutting your wrists open. People die when they lose too much blood. I don’t wanna come home one day and find you dead on the floor surrounded by blood and ask myself what I did wrong for the rest of my life!” He shouts at the top of his lungs, his voice cracking a bit as he lays it all out on the line. You flinch at the sudden change in his tone. Seeing him this upset is new to the both of you. But he regrets it all just a few seconds later. He groans and buries his face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

You’re conflicted in the moment. Do you scream, cry, or leave? Everything just feels so wrong. “I just- can you leave me alone for a while? I think I need some sleep.” Your voice is merely audible. 

Taron’s shoulders sink down at your words, but he nods. He walks over to the bathroom and puts everything sharp he can find into a bag. Without saying a word, he takes the pack of razors from the bed and grabs the wine and glass. Standing in the doorframe, he looks at you briefly. “Try to sleep.” His voice cracks and a tear falls down his cheek. He closes the door behind him and you can hear him muffling his cries as he finally breaks down, quickly going downstairs.

“God, you’re such an idiot!” You groan to yourself and fall down onto the bed heavily. You pull up your sleeves and look down at the sore marks with dried blood. It felt so good in that moment and the blood dripping from your skin left you in awe. But soon, the pain came back and the sight frightened you. Pretty much every time. Suddenly something shatters downstairs and you look at the door Taron walked through just a few moments ago. Did he just break a glass? 

You know you shouldn’t push T away in such circumstances because even if he denied it, it still made him miserable. He hates not being able to help you, as if he was useless. His mind runs ramped as his thoughts cloud his mind. He feels as though you don’t trust him enough to open up to him in these times. It’s not fair at all, you trust him with your life. 

You get yourself together and slowly make your way downstairs on your toes to eliminate any noise. You find him in the living room, sitting on the sofa with his legs tucked up. He stares at the floor blankly, but you notice the tears free falling down his cheeks. He breathing is irregular. “Taron?” You say quietly and he flinches slightly at the sound of your voice. Looking around, you notice on the wall behind him a wet spot that trails down to the floor, broken glass at the base. “I’m so sorry.” Your voice shakes and you wrap your arms around yourself trying to calm down. 

T looks up at you and forces a smile on his face. He shakes his head slightly but neglects his tears. “Come here.” He speaks, his voice more raspy than normal. 

You walk towards him slowly and stop in front of him. Your eyes water and begin to spill over, falling onto your jumper leaving dark spots. “I didn’t want to upset you. I’m so sorry love a-and I-“ you start sobbing and hold your hand over your mouth. 

He grabs your hand and pulls you down onto his lap. “It’s okay. We’re gonna work it out.” He wraps his arms around you and you hide your face in his chest. You sob violently and can hear him holding back his own cries to calm you down. His heart races next to your head and his chest is shaking. He fondles over your back and places a tender kiss on your head. You can hear him sniffling a bit and feel his body calm down. Just for you. He pushes all his thoughts to the back of his mind for now and puts his sole focus on you. It makes you feel slightly guilty but moreso thankful in the moment. 

It takes a while for you to calm down and stop crying. Taron just sits there comforting you and giving you all the time you need. “I don’t know what to do anymore.” You finally admit sadly and look up at him. 

Taron tilts his head slightly and bites his lip. His beautiful blueish green eyes look at you carefully. “Listen, if you don’t wanna call and talk to me about it then please find somebody you could talk to. I will support you with whatever helps get you out of this mindset.” He grabs your hand and softly strokes your knuckles. 

You groan and roll your eyes. “I don’t wanna talk about this to anyone else. It makes me feel weak.” You admit and avoid his gaze. 

Taron sighs softly and squeezes your hand. “It’s not weak to get yourself help when you clearly need it.” He pushes. 

You shake your head. “No.” You must look like a stubborn child that doesn’t want to listen to their parents. 

T lifts your chin up with his fingers and looks into your eyes. “Babygirl, I really don’t wanna argue about this.” 

“I think I just need you, I don’t wanna talk with someone else.” You say and try to look away from him. You’re ashamed of being weak and asking for help. It makes you feel like a complete failure. 

But Taron holds your chin in place and looks at you. The corners of his lips pull up onto a smile and he nods. “I’d be more than happy to help you. But the first step has to be done from you.” He assures and points at me with his finger. “I can’t help you when you don’t tell me what’s wrong or open up.”

You swallow hard and nod. This is possible, right? You look down at your shaking hands and feel your eyes water. “I’m so sorry I worried you, Taron.”

He cups your face and gently rubs his thumbs over your cheeks. His beautiful puppy eyes meet yours. “I’m sorry I reacted that way. I should’ve stayed calm. Don’t worry about it baby.” He finishes with a smile. 

You nod slowly and pull at your sleeves. “I can’t believe you still stay with me.” You mumble.

“What?” He asks shocked and looks at you. 

“Even if I manage to stop, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. And these always remind me of them.” You pull up your sleeves and reveal your tattered wrists. “I’m just as ugly as them.”

“Listen to me, babygirl. Those will remind you of a fight you won. They will remind me how proud I am of you. And they will show us that nothing stopped us. You’ll be okay.” Taron says and rubs your back to comfort you. “And you, my love, are not ugly.”

“I love you.” You sigh and glance at him, feeling a bit shy and intimidated. It’s new to hear someone talk about it as a constant reminder of how good you’ve done and how you fought the battle. It’s a good feeling and you adore Taron for showing you. 

“You are my everything and I love you so much! I’m gonna do everything to make sure you get better Y/N.” He comforts and plants a delicate, sweet kiss on your lips. 

You kiss him a back, knowing it would all get better. You would be able to look at yourself again and be proud. And you have the best boyfriend to support you through the process.


End file.
